Why use a gun?
by Gta5ccjs
Summary: I was walking along one day, whilst daydreaming, and thought this up. please read and review!
1. Why use a gun?

**Disclaimer: This is a one-shot that aims at funny ways to kill Covenant soldiers, so enjoy**

**Why use a gun?**

James stared down at the Covenant camp. It was 1 o'clock in the morning and out of 6 Grunts, 4 Jackals and 3 Elites; only 1 Elite was patrolling the outskirts of the small camp. James concentrated on the lone Elite. The Elite was wearing Blue armour and looked tired.

As the Elite passed by a crate, facing towards James, James ducked back behind the felled tree log he was using as cover and fumbled with a package. James unfolded the package and loaded up the gas powered elephant gun with tranquilliser darts. As the Elite turned away from James, James lifted the gun over the log and fired at the Elite.

The Elite fell to the ground and James jumped over the log and ran to the fallen Elite.

There was no way James could kill the Elite with a gun, as it was to loud, nor could he carry the Elite away. So he decided to mortally wound the Elite. James took out his Combat Knife and, finding what looked like the Elites Artery, James cut open the Artery. Purple blood spewed out of the wound and soon the Elite would be dead. Satisfied, James got up and pondered what to do now. Grunts or Jackals? Or maybe test out his new toy on the Elites?

Jackals

Why not?

James staked stealthily over to the prone forms of the Jackals. Using tape, James tied up all four of the Jackals and dragged them to a homemade catapult that faced a cliff. Carefully, James lifted a Jackal into the catapult. Then, James undid the tape around the Jackals mouth and woke it up. The Jackal woke up and stared at James and James grinned madly back at the Jackal and cut a rope and the catapult fired the Jackal.

The Jackals screams could be heard 5 miles away.

By the time the last Jackals screams faded away, James was on the floor giggling madly. Eventually, James got back up and headed towards the camp. Now, Grunts or Elites?

Grunts.

Save the best till last.

James quietly ran over to the Elites tent and picked up two objects and then ran over to the Grunts methane tent. James studied the objects and clicked a button and the handcuffs flared to life.

Perfect.

Grinning madly, James put the handcuffs against the door handles and activated them. The handcuffs stopped the door opening, which was part of the plan. James walked around the tent and found another door. After placing the handcuffs on the door handles, James back-pedalled to a holo pad. After studying the pad intently, James pressed a button and the Grunts gas bladders, which were refuelling from terminals, emptied and the humming sound died out as the electricity stopped flowing.

Another couple of buttons, and James had locked the Grunts out of all the holo pads in the tent.

Then only one button was left. James held back laughter that threatened to burst out a cause the Elites to wake up, and pressed the button. The whirring of a plasma generator stopped. Grinning uncontrollably, James peered through the glass at the sleeping Grunts. As if a switch had been thrown, the Grunts woke up. One Grunt sniffed the air and looked around at its comrades. The Grunt in question got up and walked up to a holo pad and pressed a few buttons. On the screen four words appeared.

Methane Processing Plant Disabled 

The Grunt panicked and started running around comically, much to James delight. Meanwhile, the rest of the Grunts allies busied themselves with their methane bladders, in the hopes of staying alive long enough to fix the generator. The Grunts expressions turned from grim determination and annoyance, to one of sheer horror. The methane bladders were empty! All the Grunts started to panic and run around comically. By the time, James was simultaneously crying with laughter and holding his hands over his mouth. Eventually, the Grunts fell over dead.

After calming down, James decided to test out his new toy, and headed for the Elites tent. When he reached the Elites tent, James took out two modified Plasma Grenades. Both Plasma Grenades sported motion detectors. This is how they worked. First, the motion sensors detect a moving object. Then, the motion detectors activated the Plasma Grenades.

Simple.

James placed each Plasma Grenade on both the Elites naked chest. Then James noticed the Elites sexual organs were smaller than humans and realisation dawned on him. So that was why the Covenant were at war with Humanity. The Elites were jealous of human's sexual organs. James repressed renewed laughter, and then realised that he didn't need to and so, burst out laughing. The Elites woke up almost immediately and sat up. The Plasma Grenades fell, and bonded with the Elites sexual organs. The Elites stared down in horror and pain at the Plasma Grenades, which blew up half the Elites body, which was still alive, and sent the rest of the Elites body into rocks, making gore fly everywhere.

James couldn't stop laughing for hours.

**Disclaimer: lol that still makes me laugh. **


	2. New Toy

**Disclaimer: answers to reviews;**

**Chia Jeng Yang and AliciaF, there is no plot. Just funny and inventive ways to kill Covenant. Lol.**

**Mrs. Keynes 915, we're all afraid. Knowing what we are afraid of is the question…**

**A. Trole; no**

**dumass44; thanks, I try my best**

**New Toy**

James sat in the rock cluster that overlooked the Covenant camp. It was exactly 2:24:53 am. James unpacked his gas powered elephant gun and took out two Elites and one Jackal. James scurried down the hill and dragged the Jackal to the front of the Gold Elites tent. Then, using anti-grav nodes, James took the Elites to a homemade blender and placed them in said blender.

The Elites woke up and saw James standing in front of him. Instinctively, they roared and attempted to grab their PR's. James waved their PR's in front of them, mockingly. James pressed a button, and the blender cut up the Elites into, well, mush.

James poured in some Covenant liquid food to mask the taste and a special chemical that caused a certain 'reaction' in all Covenant stomachs. Afterwards, James filled up several containers marked in the Covenant dialect as 'Food Surplus'.

One hour later, the food containers were back in the camp, which was a mile away from James's target camp. James giggled and uncontrollably. He knew that tomorrow at lunch time, the Covenant troops will eat their lunch and literally explode.

Grabbing the Jackal, James carried the still unconscious Jackal to the sleeping Elites, and careful not to wake up the Gold Elite, he lifted the Jackal onto the Elite. James then placed a camera above the Elite so that he could see the Elites reaction.

James reached the cluster of rocks, and fumbled with a big box. Slowly and quietly, James placed 50 of his modified Plasma Grenades in strategic places throughout the camp. Then, James went back to the cluster of rocks and switched on his Laptop and started up a program called ' modified Plasma Grenades control. Over 50 Plasma Grenade symbols were highlighted red, with crosses next to them.

Smiling insanely, James press and button marked 'Arm'. The Plasma Grenades armed, awaiting movement that would allow them to detonate. And so, James waited…

Covenant camp, 6.00 AM 

The Gold Elite felt something pressing down on him. He opened his eyes and saw a naked Jackal on top of him. The Gold Elite yelled in confusion and shock, but the sounds stayed in the tent. The Gold Elite grabbed the Jackal and walked to the tents door. The Elite flung the Jackal out of the tent and was about to yell at it, when a blue aura filled his eyes, and he knew no more.

James awoke up to the alarm clock that buzzed in his ear from the earplug. He rubbed his eyes and checked the time;

**5:57 AM**

Grinning happily, James took out his binoculars and studied the Gold Elites tent. Almost instantly, a Jackals body flew out, activating one of the modified Plasma Grenades that nestled amongst it's unmodified brethren.

The Elite stepped out, pointed at the Jackal as it woke up, and never noticed the modified Plasma Grenade explode. The Gold Elite was vaporised instantly. The Jackals upper torso, which is what was left of the Jackal, flew in to the air and landed on another Jackal, crushing it. the rest of the Covenant woke up. The Grunts ran out of their tents, panicking comically and the Jackals activated their shields.

Elites, two Red and one Ultra rushed out of their tents. One Red Elite was thrown against a rock by a modified Plasma Grenades explosion, leaving a nasty mess. Another Red Elite was thrown off a cliff and down onto another Covenant camp and caused a huge explosion that killed 274 surviving members of a battalion of Covenant troops that had taken heavy casualties after they attempted to overrun a heavily defended Human fort.

The Ultra Elite had it's shield up and so survived the explosion. The Ultra Elite was sent flying into the sky but managed the land on a pile of Plasma Grenades. The Ultra Elite caused a modified Plasma Grenade to burst into blue flames and stick to the Ultra's foot. James burst out laughing at a sight that would amuse him for the rest of his life. The Ultra hopped up and down on the unmodified Plasma Grenades, activating them. The Ultra Elite's leg which had the modified Plasma Grenade on it was straight out in front of it. The Ultra Elite was screaming comically at the Plasma Grenade on its leg. The Ultra Elite exploded, taking with it dozens of Grunts and Jackals. Gore rained down everywhere.

A Grunts head flew from the explosion and hit another Grunts methane rig, which exploded, sending other Grunts and Jackals flying into unyielding rocks, etc. Gore from the crushed Grunts and Jackals painted the rocks in pretty colours. Finally, the camp fell silent, save for insane laughter that echoed down from a cluster of rocks on a hill. James calmed himself down with deep breathing and studied the Laptops screen. Over 12 modified Plasma Grenades were left. Most of the other Plasma Grenades had exploded randomly about the camp. James was about to press a button on the screen of his Laptop that said 'Detonate modified Plasma Grenades', when he saw a Covenant patrol approaching the camp. All the remaining modified Plasma Grenades were in an untouched part of the camp, and as James watched, the patrol ran through the concentration of modified Plasma Grenades, activated them, and vaporised.

The entire Covenant camp was in ruins as James walked away, giggling furiously. Another fun day!

**Disclaimer; hahaha! Funny! Plz review with any suggestions! Lololol!**


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